


Wizard needs food badly!

by mamestuck



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Nethack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 22:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1664438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamestuck/pseuds/mamestuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember that time when Sollux and Roxy played videogames together? Or, the incredibly detailed description of Nethack gameplay that nobody wanted. It really smacks of Homestuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wizard needs food badly!

**Author's Note:**

> Written for HSWC 2014 Bonus Round 1.

“Oh-em-gee, you’re playing as a Wizard? That’s sooooo cute!” Roxy giggled, leaning over the back of the sofa and peering at Sollux’s laptop screen. She gestured emphatically with her free hand; in the other, she held a half-full bottle of red wine. “Holycrap you should go into that store and see how much loot your kitten can steal!” 

“Thtop hovering over my shoulder,” Sollux said in an attempt at petulance, but there wasn’t really any venom in it. “What the hell are you talking about anyway?”

“What, you don’t know that trick?” Roxy said in equal measures of surprise and smugness. She slid over the back of the couch, somehow managing to avoid a Wine + Laptop 2x Combo, and settled in cross-legged next to Sollux. One long end of her powder-pink scarf still trailed over the back of the couch from the maneuver. 

“Go into the store with your pet, then stand in the doorway, trapping him in there,” she explained, pausing to take a swig from her bottle. “He’ll pick up junk and put it at your feet. You gotta feed him treats if you got any though. You can literally train the fucking kitten to fetch you shit!” She grinned and nodded emphatically, as if this was the most interesting discovery of her life. “I can’t believe you didn’t know about that!”

“Whatever, it theemth like it would take too long to accumulate much of real value that way,” Sollux said.

“No way dude, it’s totally worthwhile! Or at least adorable! And anyway, you can get your kitten to clone your store credit if you drop all your gold and then he brings it out to you.”

Sollux nodded thoughtfully, mulling over this new stratagem. “That’th pretty cool, I gueth,” he said, following her advice and emptying his gold inventory in the store. 

“No, closer to the door!” Roxy insisted. “Your cat will be more likely to actually carry it out that way.” Sollux complied, setting the money pump in motion. Roxy cheered on the little felonious letter “f” that was facilitating their fortune. “There you go, little guy! Bwing mama that gold. Thaaaaat’s a good kitty!” she cooed at the screen, even going so far as to pet the letter on the screen screen with her index finger. Sollux batted her hand away and rolled his eyes. 

“Sweet! Now it’s time for a shopping spree!” Roxy announced after they had racked up a few thousand zorkmids of store credit. “Let’s see what sweet shit this place has got!”

“Do you get thith exthited every time you find a thtore?” Sollux asked. Roxy nodded with enthusiasm. 

Sollux piloted his little ampersand into the shop, checking out various items. “Ohmygod, drink it, drink it! It might be a genie!” she squealed as he stepped over a smoky potion. The potion was duly quaffed, and the words “Oh wow, everything looks so cosmic!” printed out across the screen as the objects in the store morphed into random colors and symbols. 

“God fucking dammit, potion of halluthination,” Sollux grumbled, “Jutht my luck.” 

Next to him, Roxy giggled helplessly. “You are so fucking cute when you’re frustrated, you know that?”


End file.
